...That Sounds Like the Pits

The excerpt below is from an email I received recently. With her permission, I’m sharing it here.

Chrissy not only works for a faith-based Foster Care agency, she & her husband have 10 children they have fostered/adopted over the years. Chrissy took time from her extremely busy world to share some wisdom with us as we approached the 1 year anniversary of adopting our foster daughter…..

"You might find from one year to the next she has a different reaction depending on where she is at with her own grief and loss and adoption issues. Remember that as adoptive parents, the finalization date is something to celebrate but for (her), adoption will always represent loss even though she loves you very much and sees herself as your child. I think my new favorite mantra about adoption is to never forget that adoption is born from loss. Also, I encourage you to make adoption a regular conversation at your house so that the topic isn't taboo and only comes up during the anniversary of her finalization.……..

As adoptive parents, we really put ourselves in an emotionally vulnerable position.

We have to love our children unconditionally, help them through their grief and loss, and reassure them that you aren't going to leave.

..…in return, we have to deal with our own grief and loss,

accept whatever way they are able to love us,

and deal with the fear that someday they may leave us to seek out their birth connections.

This is an emotional roller coaster and one we are often at the mercy of our children to navigate through.

I hope this isn't discouraging, I think you have learned by now that I just tell it like it is. Hope you are all doing well and thoroughly enjoying your adoption journey. God bless, Chrissy"

Chrissy Staggs,

Focus on Youth, Inc.

Some of you may wonder why I’ve shared this, thinking “wow, that sounds like the pits”

You’re right. At times, it really is the pits. I’m humbled beyond comprehension by how much I feel sorry for myself when dealing with some of these challenges. Then there it comes, that whomp upside the head from the Big Guy above (yes, believe it or not, I can be hard headed). HE reminds me that NOTHING that we as adults might have to endure compares to what these children have already suffered through, not counting the residual effects that inevitably result from those past experiences.

Yep, I’m going on more than usual, and breaking more “blogging rules” than would be considered wise.

But as we just finished the month of November which was National Foster Care month, it would take a small army to stop my sharing Chrissy’s words of wisdom & encouragement in hopes that at least one more child receives the blessing that some family out there will be able to provide.

The Three Gifts

Tonight we started watching the Christmas show "THE THREE GIFTS". I've seen it before; watching it this evening I've managed to actually listen to what's taking place during the show.

The premise of the show is 3 older, rowdy boys from an orphanage, who get to spend Christmas with a married couple. These boys have a bad rep with the local law, and are known for their troublesome antics. After some difficulties occur while staying with the family, there is a dialogue that takes place....

Married guy says: "every single kid deserves a great Christmas." (which is very true)

Wise older Aunt replies: "what happens after Christmas......??"

Just like this guy in the show, the wise Aunt's statement whomped me upside the head (yes, Lord, I know it's ultimately You doing the whomping on my head!).

As is often the case, when people think of orphans or foster children, the first images that come to mind are the challenges, problems & difficulties that these kids cause, create, & experience.

Trust me, I'm not pointing fingers anywhere other than directly back to myself. Having accepted a foster child into our home/lives, who we have since adopted, I have to be honest with myself in that I wonder & worry about bringing another child or children into our home, for fear of any negative experiences that may have an impact or influence on our daughter.

I'm not proud of these feelings. And no, I will not allow those fears to be a stop to providing a home (temporary or permanent, depending on His plans) to a child/children who need a safe & loving place to stay.

Christmas tends to be a time we all are much more aware of the needs of others, and helping to fulfill those needs during the holidays. Don't take me the wrong way, we also tend to be more focused on "others" during this time of the year.

I guess I will have to continue to be whomped upside the head during the rest of the year to help me remember to stay focused on the many kids in foster care & orphanages & the thought "what happens after Christmas?"

"never forget that adoption is born from loss"

I saw this statement in an email this morning, and it really hit me hard..
"never forget that adoption is born from loss".

As we approach the 1 yr anniversary of adoption of our daughter, the wisdom yet sadness in those words were like a bucket of cold water in my face. Providing a home for a child that needed one has been one of the most precious gifts I've ever received; in that, I forgot/forget the loss that had to take place so that I could receive such a blessing.

It literally tears at my heart as I think of & am reminded daily of all the children who are removed from their homes, needing a safe & loving place to call home. I'm ashamed of myself & ashamed to have to admit that my selfishness has stood in the way of the selflessness I am called to by our Heavenly Father --- to help take care of the widows & orphans.

In this season of hustle & bustle, as a Christian I find it easy to go around saying "remember the reason for the season". What I should be focusing on is not the words about remembering, but the ACTIONS I should be taking as I remember the reason for this season.

Praying God continues to do His work in me, helping me to be open & accepting of the changes I need to make in myself, allowing more of that blasted uncomfortableness to prompt me to do His will.

Too Much Going On....

It's been quite a while since I last posted. In know, I know.... I was going to keep on top of this. I've thought about it often, but admittedly, running at the speed of life these days has allowed me to neglect many things that I shouldn't. I've promised myself and God that I would be authentic with what I say and share, so if anything I share seems like TMI, well, so be it.

Today, I am on a plane heading to NC. I'm ashamed to say it's a trip I almost didn't make. My mother is scheduled to have surgery later this week. When I was first informed of the impending surgery, I was asked by my sister if I would be "going home" for the surgery. My first reaction was, yea sure, I think I can do that. The reality of it as I processed things after getting off the phone was me thinking "there's just too much going on for me to take the time to travel to NC".

I can almost hear the "gasp" sound some of you made after reading that. How could I even hesitate about going to be with my mother for her surgery?! No, it's not that I don't love or care about her, or that we have a bad relationship/history. I've been very blessed with a loving caring family.

So then why the hesitation on my part? Good question! There were so many things that popped into my train of thought or so called logic... I've got commitments, can't afford the time away, she'll be fine without me there... Needless to say my train of thoughts was more of a train wreck than anything else!

Here's the thing. Deep down (way down deep) I knew what I should do. Instead, I was allowing the enemy to create doubt and confusion in my mind, my life, and my decision making.

Thankfully, over the past several years, I actually listened to the prompting by God to make sure there was at least one man in my life that I was in counsel with on a regular basis. Someone who I would meet with regularly, with whom I would be completely open about my thoughts, feelings and anything else in my world... No matter how uncomfortable that might be.

Oh, one more thing -- I had to be willing to listen to what they had to say. While I'm not required to follow any advice/insights they offer, I do my very best to listen, learn, and process their input very carefully. And yeah, sometimes those insights can be hard to swallow. It's those times that God usually is working through thsee men to whomp me upside the head!

So it was that my most recent meeting with one of my mentors brought about discussion of what should I do about going home. And without hesitating, he spoke in wisdom, saying there was no question as to what I should do; get myself down to NC to be there for my mom.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure many of you are still thinking that was a no-brainer. Well, I think that's why God prompted me to share this. Because many times, we think the decisions we make, or the crossroads we come to, have simple solutions. I'm so very blessed that there are several men willing to pour into my life, sharing and discipling, even when it's not the most convenient thing to do in their busy lives.

Ultimately, I'm thankful for the opportunity to be discipled, and continue praying that I'm open to following God's promptings for me to do the same for others.

Uncomfortable....

Not something that we generally look forward to, or even ask for... Being Uncomfortable.

That's exactly where I am these days. In what feels like a constant state of being uncomfortable. Never mind that I ask for it. Never mind that I have willingly open myself to God's promptings, no matter how uncomfortable doing so may make me feel.

If that sounds something like an oxymoron (probably not the correct choice of analogy), it probably is. Being uncomfortable is the last thing I want, because it usually means I get frustrated & easily aggravated & all those other not so wonderful emotions.

It's the last thing I want, but it's the very thing that I absolutely need; that I must be open to. Without opening myself up to being so completely uncomfortable, I miss out on whatever it is that I am needing most to learn. Because while I am sure I could spout off several things that I think are needed learnings in my life, without fail, if I allow it, God whomps me upside the head in these times of being extremely uncomfortable. And it would be so much easier if I was smart enough to "get it" early on. But no, not me. I generally have to get whomped at least a couple of times for "it" to really start to get through my thick, stubborn head.

Lately (this being the past several months) it seems like there has been a need for me to be uncomfortable moreso than usual. You'd think I would quit asking God to do whatever He needs to through me, since the more He does the more uncomfortable things in my world seem to be.

Some might say I am a glutton for punishment (they could be right).

For now though, for me, as crazy as it may sound, I feel this crazy compelling need to keep
pushing to be uncomfortable.

Some may wonder how exactly God is accomplishing this; how He is going about making me so uncomfortable. If that's you asking the question, stay tuned. While it has been a while since I have been on here, I will try to share some of the ways this has been taking place.

And if you weren't asking that question, then you probably won't really be interested in any of the soon to come postings....