...That Sounds Like the Pits

The excerpt below is from an email I received recently. With her permission, I’m sharing it here.

Chrissy not only works for a faith-based Foster Care agency, she & her husband have 10 children they have fostered/adopted over the years. Chrissy took time from her extremely busy world to share some wisdom with us as we approached the 1 year anniversary of adopting our foster daughter…..

"You might find from one year to the next she has a different reaction depending on where she is at with her own grief and loss and adoption issues. Remember that as adoptive parents, the finalization date is something to celebrate but for (her), adoption will always represent loss even though she loves you very much and sees herself as your child. I think my new favorite mantra about adoption is to never forget that adoption is born from loss. Also, I encourage you to make adoption a regular conversation at your house so that the topic isn't taboo and only comes up during the anniversary of her finalization.……..

As adoptive parents, we really put ourselves in an emotionally vulnerable position.

We have to love our children unconditionally, help them through their grief and loss, and reassure them that you aren't going to leave.

..…in return, we have to deal with our own grief and loss,

accept whatever way they are able to love us,

and deal with the fear that someday they may leave us to seek out their birth connections.

This is an emotional roller coaster and one we are often at the mercy of our children to navigate through.

I hope this isn't discouraging, I think you have learned by now that I just tell it like it is. Hope you are all doing well and thoroughly enjoying your adoption journey. God bless, Chrissy"

Chrissy Staggs,

Focus on Youth, Inc.

Some of you may wonder why I’ve shared this, thinking “wow, that sounds like the pits”

You’re right. At times, it really is the pits. I’m humbled beyond comprehension by how much I feel sorry for myself when dealing with some of these challenges. Then there it comes, that whomp upside the head from the Big Guy above (yes, believe it or not, I can be hard headed). HE reminds me that NOTHING that we as adults might have to endure compares to what these children have already suffered through, not counting the residual effects that inevitably result from those past experiences.

Yep, I’m going on more than usual, and breaking more “blogging rules” than would be considered wise.

But as we just finished the month of November which was National Foster Care month, it would take a small army to stop my sharing Chrissy’s words of wisdom & encouragement in hopes that at least one more child receives the blessing that some family out there will be able to provide.

The Three Gifts

Tonight we started watching the Christmas show "THE THREE GIFTS". I've seen it before; watching it this evening I've managed to actually listen to what's taking place during the show.

The premise of the show is 3 older, rowdy boys from an orphanage, who get to spend Christmas with a married couple. These boys have a bad rep with the local law, and are known for their troublesome antics. After some difficulties occur while staying with the family, there is a dialogue that takes place....

Married guy says: "every single kid deserves a great Christmas." (which is very true)

Wise older Aunt replies: "what happens after Christmas......??"

Just like this guy in the show, the wise Aunt's statement whomped me upside the head (yes, Lord, I know it's ultimately You doing the whomping on my head!).

As is often the case, when people think of orphans or foster children, the first images that come to mind are the challenges, problems & difficulties that these kids cause, create, & experience.

Trust me, I'm not pointing fingers anywhere other than directly back to myself. Having accepted a foster child into our home/lives, who we have since adopted, I have to be honest with myself in that I wonder & worry about bringing another child or children into our home, for fear of any negative experiences that may have an impact or influence on our daughter.

I'm not proud of these feelings. And no, I will not allow those fears to be a stop to providing a home (temporary or permanent, depending on His plans) to a child/children who need a safe & loving place to stay.

Christmas tends to be a time we all are much more aware of the needs of others, and helping to fulfill those needs during the holidays. Don't take me the wrong way, we also tend to be more focused on "others" during this time of the year.

I guess I will have to continue to be whomped upside the head during the rest of the year to help me remember to stay focused on the many kids in foster care & orphanages & the thought "what happens after Christmas?"

"never forget that adoption is born from loss"

I saw this statement in an email this morning, and it really hit me hard..
"never forget that adoption is born from loss".

As we approach the 1 yr anniversary of adoption of our daughter, the wisdom yet sadness in those words were like a bucket of cold water in my face. Providing a home for a child that needed one has been one of the most precious gifts I've ever received; in that, I forgot/forget the loss that had to take place so that I could receive such a blessing.

It literally tears at my heart as I think of & am reminded daily of all the children who are removed from their homes, needing a safe & loving place to call home. I'm ashamed of myself & ashamed to have to admit that my selfishness has stood in the way of the selflessness I am called to by our Heavenly Father --- to help take care of the widows & orphans.

In this season of hustle & bustle, as a Christian I find it easy to go around saying "remember the reason for the season". What I should be focusing on is not the words about remembering, but the ACTIONS I should be taking as I remember the reason for this season.

Praying God continues to do His work in me, helping me to be open & accepting of the changes I need to make in myself, allowing more of that blasted uncomfortableness to prompt me to do His will.